Today’s Dilbert Mashup: Never too late to product place.

Bonus! Dilbert Mashup: Drawing is fun!

I think my mindset is, for the amount of time and energy it would take for me to stay current with facebook and all its plugins and pokes and tags, I could just go out and maintain real relationships.

Of course, with an equal amount of effort I could keep my Super Smash Bros. Brawl skills honed.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well, by now, empirical evidence suggests that a woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Just think about that. It will chuck all the wood that it can. I know I don’t always give my absolute peak performance when I do a task. Apparently, woodchucks have no internal barrier between their raw potential and what they will actually do. Woodchucks: They don’t mess around.

So… a lot of times after washing my hands in the bathroom (which not enough people do by the way), if there’s no paper towel or air blower or alternative hand drying mechanism or when I’m just lazy I just try to flick the water off my hand and go out. But then there’s always some residual water left of the hands. And then when I go out I have to immediately shake someone’s hand, but I always feel like I have to explain, “Oh, I just washed my hand in there. That’s why it’s wet.” As if I’m afraid people will think, “Hmmm he walked out of the bathroom and his hand is wet. Clearly he urinated all over himself and failed to notice.”

I’m gonna go ahead and say, that I occasionally eat entire heads of lettuce. Not just to prove I can mind you, or because I think it’s healthy, but because it’s just great. It’s crunchy and juicy and just awesome. Cabbage too, I guess, but iceberg lettuce primarily. Seriously. It’s great.

Picking up women is hard work. Believe me. This one time, I totally dropped one, and I couldn’t return it, not even for store credit.

So it’s time to know what the most awesome game is. It’s the Super Smash Bros. series. It’s good to get that out of the way.

Yeah, I definitely want you guys to know exactly how much I love The Transformers. It’s a lot. You can decide for yourself how this relates to today’s comic. It doesn’t.

We’ve all heard the expression, “She’s no spring chicken.” Some more than others, depending on their level of spring chicken-ness. It’s used to identify older women who’ve lost their looks. Clearly, being a spring chicken is advantageous to a woman, as it prevents others from using that very phrase on you. Last week, I saw a TOTAL spring chicken.

I think we need to take a moment to commemorate all the people who take the time to tell things to other people. Were it not for them, we would all have less things to think about. And that would be… bad…?